The Dandy Gal

Tonight is one of those nights when I try so hard to not get emotional, simply because you are barking like a mad dog or throwing tantrums like a kid.

Tonight is one of those nights when I try crying to myself, but no tears flow out. I don’t know why.

Tonight is one of those nights, when I know I will try to fake intimacy with you, when I wake up the next day with you by my side.

It hurts knowing I have to type all these, with the chance of you reading the post.

I start to think,

Will I ever do something to stop you from reading my post?

Perhaps a new address – no, I don’t mind starting afresh.

Perhaps a restricted access – with whatever reason I can come up with.

Perhaps just closing the blog down – it ended when it started.

Tonight is one of those nights, when I feel disgusted looking at you in the eyes.

Tonight is one of those nights, when I want to give up everything just to get you out of my life.

Tonight is one of those nights, when I forget the things that you have done for me, but start wondering what would life be without you in my life?

One of those nights… do you understand where I am heading?

Times like these, I hope you, or better, me, is dead.

At least we will be worlds apart, as literally as it can get.

Shoot me.

The most dangerous weapon is this world is the tongue.

I have always wondered about the value of friendship, when bulk of the time, people meet over dinner and drinks to bitch about other people.

Fact is, most of these opinions are NOT real. I don’t know what is worse - being judgemental or laughing at the expense of other people. Sometimes, when the devil in me starts to act up, I tend to push people a little more. So, why did you say that? Is that a fair statement? I wish more people can answer me objectively.

People don’t seem to embrace differences in this world, as much as they claimed to. They form an opinion all too quicky and I guess the biggest implication is that they are dying to share. It is as if being an information provider will score them more points - they want to be THAT sociable person with the most news in town.

It shouldn’t be that way.

Respect a person. If you need to make an opinion about someone, let it be constructive. At least, let the person know why he was judged that way, before issuing him the social death penalty.

You have a sharp tongue, but that person may have a weak heart. You don’t know how fatal it will be. Be considerate.

He walked in and my legs instinctively spread apart, signalling to him my unspoken desire for his warm tongue to work its magic on me. The rain had been lovingly nasty, inducing us to seek warmth on a cold and wet night.

In between gasps and an intentional effort to watch him devour me like a hungry desperate man, I saw a red light flickering in the apartment across mine. Only then I realised my curtains were barely drawn. I grew guardful.

“Are you sure you want to leave the curtains open? Can we stop to draw them?” I asked, undecisively.

He ignored and crawled got on top of me instead, classic 69 position, with his balls dangling less than a centimetre from my mouth. I took them in like tea bags, dipping in and out of my mouth.

Then it became a battle of the tongues. We flicked, licked and darted. Neither of us wanted to lose. Our bodies danced in syncronization with each other. It was as if we had something to prove to that somebody who could be watching us. The initial worrying thoughts (Who was that? Are we caught on flim?) were overthrown when the porn stars in us took control of the situation. We were natural performers who adored the limelight.

I smiled as my eyes met the flashing red light once again. I knew who was watching. It could be the neighbour who left me the note. Or… maybe not.

I try not to judge.

It’s been some time since I surfed other sex blogs but I noticed a strangely disturbing scene.

Good (sex) blogs that have decent writing are dying.  It isn’t difficult to justify the lack of updates – good posts do take time to craft. Words are picked carefully, structures are formed, but there seem to be a lack of appreciation. It’s hard to deny that we do need readers’ motivation to share more. After all, a sex blogger usually has an exhibitionist character, so attention is more than neccesary.

Then I ponder about the staying power of a sex blog. How long can we last? And what makes us?

I thought pictorial blogs will die easily – after all, same boobs, same pussy, same angles. Months and years passed, nothing moves on… perhaps except for effects of gravity. I don’t think it should be that physical. Nor that superficial. However, apparently not. Blogs like that survived, way better than others. Sex sells, doesn’t it? As literally as it can get, a picture is indeed worth a thousand words. One naked picture beats a carefully crafted 1000-word post. Is this for joy? I don’t know.

It’s tricky.

If you have to choose, what’s more naked to you? Baring our body or baring our (sexual & non-sexual) thoughts?

I don’t know what conclusion to draw. I think it’s just a different tier. A different taste. Or perhaps, just different audience.

I miss those days when the blog community was much more active. It’s also funny to note that male bloggers stay on the surface way longer. A few lady bloggers whom (in my opinion) can write have gone missing. Perhaps there are just more reservation for a girl to share. Where is the lady that first started the “One Orgasm A Day” blog? I wish she sticked around longer.

Have you ever read a blog and went, “I can relate to this person. There is a special bond. I don’t know why, but there is. It’s real.”?

Sometimes I thought I found it, but then it went missing shortly. It’s like a bad breakup – I wish there were more reasons given before I was ditched.

I wish there are avenues in life where you can get to know someone in its entirety – friends, family, relationship, sex. There’s no pressure to be politically or even morally right. You are who you are. I thought that will be found in blogging. Maybe, not yet.