The Ex

They say, first love is always the sweetest.

But all I remember is humilation and betrayals.

I have absolutely nothing good to say about my ex, Luke. Till today, I still have no idea how many girls he had slept with during the years that I was with him. All I know was when I first saw pictures of him with his new girlfriend on the then-popular Friendster, I viewed it almost 1000 times. One word to describe the girlfriend: busty. Well, sour grapes or what, I am still under the impression that she was wearing a maximizer that pushed those sponges up by at least 5 cups.

Sex was never impressive with Luke. I didn’t know what orgasm was. All I knew was to lie down on the bed, spread my legs apart and then count sheeps till he is done with me. I usually stop at sheep number 120, I think. The most intense sex I had with him was when it was my first attempt at the doggy position. That position made me so high that my head went giddy instantaneously. I thought I had a orgasm. But after leaving him, I realise, no. I wasn’t that lucky. It was just the position at work. I don’t recall doing any outdoor sex with him either… except for once at his apartment’s staircase.

The most exciting time was… oh yes.. after sex.

I was still naked and was flipping through the tv channels on the bed. He had worn back his shorts and was reading the newspaper.

Out of a sudden, we heard the door knob clicked open.

Shit. No one was supposed to be home except us. And why did we not lock that damn door???

Suddenly, every second counts. The door was pushed open to slowly reveal his mum’s hand.  Without any hesitation, I jumped out of the bed and dashed to hide behind the wardrobe door, which was thankfully left opened.

“Oh, so you are home! You gave me a shock!” His mum screeched. She had came in to stack away Luke’s clothes.

That fuckin idiot just sat on his bed, too stunned to do anything.

Then I saw his mum’s hand reaching out to touch the wardrobe door. Damn it. Will she get a heart attack if she saw me naked? There was nowhere else that I could hide. In my anxiety, I stretched my hand out to push hers away.

“Keep the clothes yourself!” His mum was kind enough to leave the room, but even without looking at her, I knew she had given Luke a disgusted look.

Sigh. Clearly she knew what was going on by then. I had never felt more exposed and embarrassed.

“Why didn’t you help? You could have done something. Get the clothes yourself and get her out!” I questioned his intelligence.

“I was too shocked to respond. Erm… why your reaction so fast arh?”

“Because you are a RETARD.” I thought to myself.

I should have been more vocal and slapped it right across his face.

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