I helped to execute a wedding proposal on Friday.
I was about to type that ‘the girl was totally clueless about the surprise…”, when I realised… hey, in fact, it should go like this: The guy was just as clueless as the girl about the surprise. It was as though I was the one proposing to her – NOT that i really like her. He had no idea what the flow of events was and did not even bother to check with me the details. All he told me was that he had the ring ready in his bag.
You see, I became responsible for everything (God knows why). Weeks before their arrival in Hong Kong, I contacted the restaurant to see if I could reserve seats and also arrange for a song dedication with the band. Reservation would require a whooping HKD$7000 of spending and no song dedication was allowed. Told him the news and he said the 7k was too expensive and he would contact the restaurant himself and see what he could do.
Fine. I waited… and waited. Weeks flew and before I knew it, their flight touched down in Hong Kong on Wednesday. On Thursday night, he gave me a call and asked if I could help get flowers for the proposal scheduled the next day. It was past 830pm and most flower shops were closed. Fucking last minute. I asked where he wanted to send the flowers to and he replied “Oh the restaurant that you were saying previously? Help me ask if they could help hide the flowers for us”.
Apparently, he made no arrangements with the restaurant. He assumed that they would be willing to help store away that huge bouquet of flowers. He also assumed he could get seats purely on a first-come-first-serve basis at one of the most popular restaurant in Hong Kong. He then assumed that the moment he decided to go down on his one knee, the flowers would magically popped out of nowhere for his proposal. FML.
I felt I had an obligation to help – simply because we were friends since 10 years ago and I was hosting him in Hong Kong. So in between showing them around Hong Kong the whole day, I managed to sneak a few hours off to personally head down to the restaurant to seek their assistance. I was bombarded with the flow of events, but honestly, I had no idea how he wanted his proposal to be. I felt as though I was a personal assistant who screwed things up badly. It’s like asking people for favours but yet, I was unable to convey what I wanted. Then I had to head down the flower shop to make sure that the colour of the flowers was alright, and the bouquet didn’t look like it was for the dead. Guess what, all these were done on my own accord. He did not even realise that he needed to get these things done to make sure that the important moment went on well. He simply assumed (again) that nothing would go wrong.
When the proposal moment came, the girl was all touched and happy. I was feeling all tired and weary. But I still had to smile and do that girly oh-show-me-your-ring thing and then pretend that she had the prettiest ring in the whole world. I also had to fake that oh-it’s-such-a-romantic-proposal’ look in order to blend in with the crowd who was cheering them on.
When the girl excused herself to the washroom, I asked the guy “so why proposed now when you can’t get married till 2 years later (because the guy’s mum passed away only a year ago)?”
“Because she’s a very insecure person and I just hope to make her feel secured.”
???
Urgh.
I don’t get it.
Being engaged doesn’t give any security at all.
If fact, as the relationship between a couple gets more formal, the insecurity becomes greater because the consequences are even more catastrophic.
If a breakup happens for flings, it’s just called “oh it’s probably just a clubbing or an ONS behavior”.
If a breakup happens for an attached couple, it’s called “we ain’t compatible anyway”.
If a breakup happens for an engaged couple, it’s called “breaking off the engagement and yes all our friends and relatives will be informed duly (gasp!)”.
And of course, if a breakup happens for a married couple, it’s called “a divorce and I want to have all your assets and fuck all your @#$%@$ parents, friends and relatives”.
I don’t know what security she actually needs and what he thinks he is giving. Think about it, if a proposal for marriage or even marriage itself is an indication of security, WHY do women still keep tabs on their husbands after they exchange vows? After all, jealousy and affairs still do happen and partners worry constantly if they have acquired some sexual diseases from people that they have never met.
Men or women are the same. At ALL stages of our life, temptations NEVER stop waving at us.
When exactly do we have security?
None.
That’s probably the reason why we are taught to build our own self confidence – because when the negative happens, we can easily push the blame to our partner(s).
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For a guy who can’t be bothered to plan for his own proposal, I’d say that their relationship will come to an end soon enough.
And yes, you do make good boyfriend material.